The eyes of a child.

“Seek the wisdom of the ages but look at the world through the eyes of a child”- Ron Wild

Went to my parents last night and enjoyed a few games of Uno (I was 3-1,baby!) and had some quality family time.For laughs,I decided to ask my four year old brother some serious questions as I recorded him on my camera. I was giving him simple enough ones but my seventeen year old brother, always the ornery one, decided to ask him some a little more challenging. It’s interesting to get into a four year old’s head. It took me a while to realize that, when asked about the President, he was hearing “Presents.” Thus, Santa Claus.  Also,In his mind, food solves all problems. Yup, definitely my brother. This whole video cracks me up everytime I watch it and helped me write the rest of this blog. Kids.

I’ve been told my opening quote fits me very well. I am, in many ways, still a kid. I’m younger than a lot of the people I hang around, but more than that, I just really strive to have a young heart. There’s a magic about youth, an innocence that so many of us let go of or lose. I say don’t. Keep it around, Nurture the kid in you. If you can see the way a child does, you’re living a bigger life and seeing things that many people lost sight of way back when. I’ve made this here list of my 5 simple ways to keep the child in you happy and alive.

1.Forget to be mad. How often do you see a child get mad about something for more than a day? Hell,more than an hour or two?  They throw their fit and cry and scream and after that, everything is better, we’re friends again, Oh I’d love to share my toy with you now. We, as adults, treasure the grudges we hold. It’s an indulgent feeling, to store up anger against someone.  After all, we are big kids now and have the luxury of  being mad at the world for umpteen amount of reasons. We constantly remind ourselves why we have the right to hate somebody, whereas children simply forget. Why do you think they’re so carefree? I’ve practiced this and after my little tantrum or pouting for a while, I forget about whatever it was that irks me. It simply doesn’t matter enough to ruin your life, or a day at that. Children are masters of getting it out and letting it go, and if we could do a little less holding on I think we’d learn a lot from that.

2.Play. In the hustle and bustle of life and work and school and our broken hearts and oh my God my hair appointment….we forget to have fun. Watch a little one play for just five minutes. Just take in all of that joy and try to mirror it. No matter what is going on in your life, take time to not just relax, but to play. We forget how fun it is. Fly a kite. Eat a banana split. Play a game of football.  Run around aimlessly. Draw, even if you’re like me and can only draw ugly stick figures. Find a hobby you like. Go putt-putt. Whatever it is.. take a day, maybe just a moment, to do something you really enjoy.You ain’t gonna regret it.

3. Believe. When we get older we are more or less told not to do this. We are cynical, skeptical, pessimistic assholes. That’s what we are. We are too cowardly to believe in anything, so we believe in absolutely nothing. We give ourselves cool names like ‘The realist” when we are really just big,emotional chickens. I’d rather be known as “The believer.” Watch a child’s eyes light up when he talks about Santa. Watch when he tells you about the money the tooth faerie gave him, or the candy the Easter Bunny brought. Maybe believing won’t get you anywhere,but at the very least it brings a huge amount of happiness to the world. Maybe what or who you believe in will never come through, maybe it doesn’t exist, maybe he/she will never change. I always found it hard to believe in Santa because a mean relative ruined it for me at an early age. But I held onto that glimmer of hope, that tiny little piece of wishing…because I wanted to and because I had to.  Don’t ever let anyone keep you from believing. It takes courage, but it’s worth it. Because life is not about saying “Fuck you, old man, I know you don’t exist.” It’s about clinging onto that sliver of hope,waiting for the sun when the rain is the most persistent, keeping that sparkle around and always thinking, ‘Just maybe.’ Just maybe.

4.Open your eyes. Our eyes are too often shut. We know what we know, we have our group of friends, we’re perfectly content with the way things our going. But a child? A child absorbs everything, is constantly discovering, and always wanting more. And have you seen those adorable wide eyes lately? Gah, the world would be so much prettier if we could all open our eyes like that. So open yours. Make new friends. Realize people that have hurt you are also hurting. Discover new places.  Learn something new. Lately, more than ever, I have been gulping up what’s around me.  Learning  has been more fascinating than ever to me;A new goal of mine is to be fluent in Spanish and I’m staying up late to read my boring old History 2 book. If you just look a little closer, Try to see what you’ve been missing…Everything is fascinating. There is this huge world out there that so many people are missing because they think they’re okay in their tiny little corner. Don’t be satisfied. Want more. Don’t just want it. Need it,crave it, long for it. Again I say, open your eyes.

5. Chew bubblegum. Not just any gum. Bubblegum. There is a humongous difference, my friends. Adult gum, sugar-free, teeth whitening gum? NO. Absolutely not. BUBBLEGUM. Always keeps the kid in me satisfied.

What this marriage thing means.

Going on only my third month of marriage, I’m still constantly learning more about what it means after you say the words “I do.”  I hear and have seen so many horror stories, and then I see an old married couple holding hands or my married friends who have been together for 10 years still have that sparkle…and It’s like I see both sides of  the whole for better, for worse deal.  I’m not sure which one we’ll be 50 years from now, but I can’t imagine ever not being happy with the dude, for whatever that’s worth. I don’t know much  about marriage, obviously. I’m twenty and a newlywed.  But I’ve definitely been taking notes lately. Last night, we had a few friends over.A fun night intermingling friends, mostly my friends.  But it kind of dawned on me, they’re not just my friends anymore. Not just his friends either.  I think part of this marriage deal is they become our friends.

Let me show you:

Last night got me really thinking about this blog. Having friends over, different groups  and all.  We had a really fun night last night.  A little too much fun.  Alcohol is such a great indicator of real feelings isn’t it? I especially seem to find more about who really reads my blog too. Last night Kati was mentioning it and then Bing (husband’s friend) even mentioned reading occasionally. I know I make my blogs super public but it surprises me a little  every time someone mentions reading. Also, I love listening to guy talk. I even got an 8 out of 10 in coolness level via Bing and the husband.  Ha. Apparently it’s impossible for a girl to get a 10 and a  girl only good for sex can only get up to a six (men..)… so I’m doing pretty well for myself, eh?

Back to what I’m getting at here. Every moment, memory, laugh, cry,…it’s ours now. I have this independent streak so this is slowly sinking in and I’m slowly accepting it. What’s mine is his, His is mine. Is that where so many relationships go wrong? They can share the good but not the bad? The chuckles and not the tears, the nice old grandma but not the smelly uncle? The past but not the parts you don’t want to hear about? The living space but not the bank accounts? It’s true, as hard as I try, can’t bring myself to share some things, and it’s caused a few tiffs.  But when you marry, you’re not just marrying the dude/chick you married.  You’re marrying a hell of a lot more than that. You’re marrying their weird habits, the funny way they talk, the sailor mouth a girl probably shouldn’t have.  You’re marrying their mistakes, zombie games, hurts, likes, dislikes, their ego, their wallet, their middle school crush reminiscences , their enemies, their tv-shows. You’re marrying their family, the whole family, even creepy uncle Tom. (Neither of us actually have a creepy uncle Tom, if you’re wondering) You’re marrying their wants, dreams, the fact that they can never ever get out of the door on time. You’re marrying the friend, or a few friends, who get a little too crazy one night. You’re marrying present scars, future wrinkles, today’s stinky feet.  You’re marrying tons of yelling and screaming and annoyances and eye rolls. You’re marrying millions of laughs and tears, and double the moments that take your breath away. You’re marrying the fact that I’m by nature a little too flirty, or that he can never shut up when I’m listening to a song in the car.  You’re marrying their grudges, their shortcomings, their hates, loves, their past, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  When you commit to this marriage thing you’re committing to not just the person but who they are, who they were, who they will be, and every little detail in between. There’s not really any other way around it.  And yes, it’s hard sometimes. But for the most part, I love sharing everything with him. I hate sharing. This must mean something.

Remember when I said we had a little too much fun? This picture is pretty priceless. Kat and Bing ended up staying the night, even sharing a couch at one point. Talk about sharing friends. Ha.

Earlier mornings and Little white lies.

I’ve started waking up before 10 every morning. This is unusual for me. I’m still getting used to it, as you can see above. Doesn’t mean I have to look pretty that early! I’ve never been an early bird gets the worm type of person but it’s starting to grow on me.  I won’t be a six or seven in the morning girl,ever. Ever. But this is better than my old noon wake up call. A sign of growing up, perhaps?

Speaking of growing up.  Have you ever just wanted to yell   “F***** grow up?’ to a select few? Lately, I have.  Gah, all the blatant jealousy and hypocrisy and hate.  Can’t we all just get along? Aren’t we too  old for this?  Especially to people a good amount older than me.  I think after cursing at them I’d add in “I’m twenty, what’s your excuse?”

I will admit to stay out of things I occasionally lie. I don’t like lying, but with my friends to avoid controversy, I lie. I won’t say I don’t love drama. Who doesn’t? You probably lie if you say you don’t. But I like being an outsider. The girl in the Big Butts song who says “Oh my Gosh Becky look at  her butt, it is so big.” I’m her. I don’t have the big butt, I enjoy talking about the big butt. I don’t like being sucked into having a big butt.  Okay, awful metaphor of the year award. What I’m saying is drama is interesting and great, just don’t bring me into it.  I don’t like being mean. I suck at being mean, unless you push me really hard or rub me the wrong way. Goodness, look at all this pushing and rubbing!

Back to lying, I stand firm on sometimes it’s okay to lie.  Usually it’s not. But to avoid hurt feelings, are little white lies always bad? Would you honestly tell a friend, when you didn’t feel like talking on the phone anymore, that you had to go because you didn’t want to talk to them? A coworker when they asked, that their performance sucked?  (Or a lover for that matter…?) I am the protector of feelings, and I just couldn’t do it. I say cross your fingers and know it’s for the best.

I woke up this morning with a sense of dread realizing my birthday’s in three months. I’ll be twenty-one. I should be overjoyed, I suppose.  Should be. But I love how young I am.  I don’t want to grow up. ( I’m tempted to throw in ‘I wanna be a Toys R Us Kid’ here.)  I love people pointing out that I’m a baby, that I’m not of legal drinking age, that I’ m so so so young. I hear it’s all downhill from twenty-one.  And I’m married now, my husbands an old man. I can drink in the state of Texas anyway, y’all! So can I just stay twenty? Getting old scares me. Dying scares me. Depends scare me. Yeah. Think I’ll just stay twenty.